Peace of Mind

Do not try this at home. The following two pieces came out of an experimental writing project in creative writing class. For those of you that know and love me best, I don't do most of these anymore.

One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three four. One, two, three, four. Four is the magic number. Set the alarm clock four times, four times, and it stays on. Lock and unlock the door four times, four times, and it stays locked. Four also works for sealing doors, brushing teeth, washing hands and turning off the stove.

Four does NOT work for finding keys or your lost marbles. Olly Olly Oxen Free! Four does NOT keep robbers out of the house. Four does NOT keep it from raining. When it rains it pours. The sky is falling. Chicken little never counted to four. If he had, it might have turned out a little better for him. I’m sure he was right. Everybody else was wrong.

Four does not work for taking your medicine. Only take one at a time. Otherwise you end up in a security blanket in a padded room. You can count to four all you want in there and it doesn’t do a thing. Better to just take one. One is the loneliest number that I ever knew. One, just one. Right, just one. Four sips of water. One, two, three, four.

Blink four times. Darn. It’s terrible to remember blinking. Close your eyes and count to four when driving. I don’t know what that does, but it gives a real rush. It must work because I’ve never hit anything that I can remember. Turn your lights off for four seconds at night while driving. Nobody ever goes with me anywhere. One, two, three, four.

Lullaby for an obsessive compulsive

• I think I left the stove on.
• My alarm clock might have turned itself off.
• There's a mosquito buzzing around my head.
• I have to balance the checkbook.
• I forgot to lock the car.
• I have to blow my nose and the tissues are in the bathroom.
• My pant legs are bunched up around my knees.
• I think I heard a mouse.
• My closet door is open.
• My back itches.
• I have the wrong pillows, and if I wake my husband up, he'll yell at me.
• My covers came untucked.
• The clock is ticking.
• The faucet is dripping.
• My left nostril whistles.
• I have a headache.
• I'm not sleepy.
• I'm thirsty.
• I think I forgot to do some homework.
• It's cold.
• Now it's hot.
• The moon is too bright.
• A dog is barking.
• The curtains are open a little bit.
• There's something under my bed.
• I have a hang nail.
• Global warming is causing the polar ice caps to melt, and in fifty years, one hundred million people will die when the ocean level rises twenty percent.
• There's a pimple behind my left ear.
• I think I have a bladder infection.
• I forgot to pay the phone bill.
• I have a sore throat.
• There's something in my eye.
• My face is dry.
• I have the hiccups.
• It's too quiet.
• My heart is beating too fast.